Do we plant the seeds of violence by letting our children play with guns?
It’s a question that’s been on my mind for a few weeks now, ever since R came home with a stick shaped like a gun.
I don’t even remember where he found it—on the playground or in the woods behind our yard, maybe?—but that really isn’t what bothered me. What upset me was that he found a stick shaped like a gun, identified it as a gun, and started playing with it as a gun.
When he showed it to me, he looked sheepish, as if he knew how I would react. He wasn’t surprised when I whisked the stick out of hands, and he hasn’t asked for it back.
My husband and I don’t purchase toy guns—not even water pistols—for R or G. I even take away the blasters from the Lego Star Wars sets before R can play with them. Perhaps that’s dramatic, but I’m convinced that letting kids play with guns implies consent for and support of a gun culture. I don’t want that.
Our young kids don’t understand political convictions; they need explanation and education. So, any time guns have come up in conversation, we talk about how they are dangerous. They are not for kids, only adults, we explain.
I asked R why I hadn’t wanted him to play with that stick. “It was a gun, Mommy.”
“And why doesn’t Mommy want you to play with guns?” I asked.
“Because guns hurt people,” he answered, twirling a Matchbox car in his hands.
I breathed a sigh of relief, but the fact that guns even come in my conversation with my 5 year old is part of the problem. We’ve had to have those conversations because once your kids go to school you lose control—to an extent—of what they’re exposed to, and other kids with older siblings, unfortunately, know about things like battles, bad guys, and guns.
As we’ve heard so much in the news, on the heels of Newton, Aurora, Virginia Tech, and other mass shootings, as well as accidental shootings involving children, the US has more guns per capita than any other country. Guns remain the most common murder weapon in the United States.
What to do, then, about kids and toy guns?
For us, it’s banning them from our house. I don’t know if that will prevent my children from being exposed to the violence that is pervasive in our culture. I hope, though, it’s a start and that sets a foundation for peace and nonviolence. But, I just don’t know. And, that I think, is what worries me the most.
Photo credit: Gabriel White via photopin cc
I was raised in a nonviolent house, which meant it was not something that was ever allowed. I saw movies and popular culture, but i have never seen a gun close enough to me to touch it. have never touched one. I never had a toy gun, water guns later but that was that. But I also don’t remember being spoken to about it, just one of those things you know about your home…we don’t believe in gun ownership, guns hurt people. My girls are still little and this hasn’t come up…i’d probably have a similar stance just like i have on sticks shaped like swords…oh, that’s every stick 🙂
I wonder what the toy gun issue is like for those (like you) who have girls vs. those (like me) who have a boy/boys? Are toy guns a “boy thing?” Such a challenging topic! Thanks for reading, Kim, and for your comment.
Kimberly, R did not pick that stick up with any intention of hurting someone. He picked it up simply because it looked cool, and as long as there have been children on this earth, there has been a fascination with things that look cool. As much as I hate to use the phrase, “Guns don’t hurt people, people hurt people,” I have yet to believe differently. I am the daughter of a US Marine Corp Vietnam veteran, and have grown up, along with my brother, in a very peaceful home….with guns. Neither my brother, nor I have ever hurt anyone with a gun because of the way in which we were raised…to love and respect people, to take care or people, and to never hurt people. Neither my brother and I have grown to be hunters, as we both were taught to respect all wildlife…taught, by a gun owner. We have also been taught how to properly use a gun. We have had water guns, stick guns, bb guns, and shot guns. My children, have all shot a bb gun, and if they ask, will be taught to properly shoot other guns (my eldest daughter has quite a shot if I may add). They will also be taught the same morals and values that my family holds extremely high in the importance of how we live our lives…ultimately, to respect life. My family does not support a “gun culture”. We do support proper gun control. I disagree with your statement that guns are for adults. They are not for ALL adults. They are for adults who have had proper background checks, have acquired there guns legally, have properly registered them, and who have taken a gun safety course.
And your right Kimberly, you will ultimately lose total control. R will be go on a playdate at another boys home that you will not stay for that will involve a nerf gun. My son is 7 and I have yet to meet a boy that did not own one. And R may, in fact use it. But because of the values your family holds so dear, he will never use it with intent on hurting anyone. He will use it simply because it looks cool.
whoops, I meant Neither my brother, nor I…
I so agree with this part of your comment, Denise: [Guns] “are for adults who have had proper background checks, have acquired there guns legally, have properly registered them, and who have taken a gun safety course.” It’s an omission on my part not to acknowledge how important gun education for adults. This is a challenging issue for us right now; I really appreciate hearing your perspective.
Denise, thanks so much for reading and for your comment. Sending you a big hug.
Hi Kimberly,
I have been on both sides of this debate, and have come to a couple conclusions. One is that guns get (somewhat) less scary when you learn about them (yes, there is a lot to learn) and actually learn to shoot. Another is that it doesn’t help kids to demonize something that so many of their friends will be embracing. The way forward on this charged issue is to depolarize it and bring some common sense to it so we can take power back from advocacy groups and profit – motivated manufacturers. And to have a common sense position, we have to have some basic education for ourselves, and in my opinion, also for our kids.
Thank you for writing such a wonderful article that touches such an important issue. We are a non violent and a peace loving family that struggles every day to shield our daughter from this ruthless world, that is unfortunately full of hatred. More and more guns and assault rifles seem to become part of our life… It’s common to say ‘Guns don’t kill people, people kill people.’ WITH GUNS, I say!!! My husband and I [yes, we are gay 😉 ] decided to completely ban any NRA and FOX news influence from our household. Enough is enough! Say no to guns. I applaud you for doing what you do – it will help in a long run.
We never had toy guns when our kids were little but I remember my son using a stick to pack “pow!pow!” noises. I was so baffled by his behavior- how/what/why was he pretending to shoot a gun? Regardless of how you feel, it is important to talk about the issue and share your family rules.
I grew up around guns and my folks taught us gun safety and there were strict rules about NEVER handling them without an adult present. Guess what? My brother showed them to his friends every chance he got. Thank God no one was ever hurt.